Have you registered a Muslim today?

1.A number of the tuyuur here at Mantiq al-Tayr working hand in hand with Vladimir Putin managed to hack into the Trump campaign files and we found the questionnaire Israel is putting together for Muslim registry 2.0. We downloaded the file, changed some of the answers, added a question or two, uploaded it to the same place and replaced the old file. The new version is below for you to go ahead and fill out.  You can then just send it to the Israeli embassy in Washington, DC, or you can wait and send it to the “American” embassy in Jersualem c/o David Friedman.

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                وزارة التربية والتعذيب

Assholes.pngTrump DHS Transparent.pngMossad_seal.png

Muslim Registration Form

Part 1: Basic information.  We already have the info for items 1-10 but this is to make sure we we are monitoring all of your communications.

1. Full Name 

2. Abu Name

3. Umm Name

4. Social Security Numbers you use to conceal your real identity. 

5. Addresses

6. Home Phone

7. Work Phone

8. Cell Phones (we know you have several)

9. Please list all email addresses so we can compare them with the ones we are already monitoring. 

10. List all social media accounts in case we’ve missed one. 

Muslamic Stuff:

11. Which terrorist country are you from?

12. To which terrorist country would you like to be deported?

13. If we send you to Gitmo, will you go on a hunger strike? (Circle the correct answer.)

A. Yes

B. Yes.

14. Your Madhhab. Circle all that apply.

A. Hanbali

B.Shafi’i

C. Yerushalmi

D. Maliki

E. Hanafi

F. Ja’fari,

G. Mantiqi (better not circle that one)

H. Ismaili

I. Zaydi

J. Jonathan Browni

K.Ibadhi

L. Zahiri

M. Sahyouni

N. Nasrallahi

O.Wahhabi

P. Putini

Q.CIAi

R. Rafidi

S.SHASi,

T. Takfiri (no need to circle this one if you circled item O above.)

U. Nawasibi

V. Madhhab? I don’t need no stinkin madhhab.

15. Do you believe in school prayer? Circle the correct answer.

A. Yes.

B. No. But we now really need to pray for our schools.

C. No. But Christian fundies will install it anyway.

D. Yes and Christian fundies will install it for us.

16. Do you advocate Jihad? (Circle the best answer.)

ِA. Yes

B. No, but I do know how to pronounce it.

17. Do you like Israel? (Note to Shas Party members, circle the best answer.)

A. No.

B. Hell no.

C. Fuck no.

D. You have got to be fucking kidding me.

E. Fuck no.

F. If you circle this one you don’t have to circle “fuck no” twice.

18. Do you know the difference between the Koran and the Hadith?

A. No. Do you?

B. It is spelled Qur’an you assholes.

C. No, but I’m going to read “Misquoting Muhammad” and then I’ll know.  Why don’t you read it too, you bigoted lying bastards?

19. Have you ever received CIA funding to conduct terrorist operations abroad?

A. Yes.

B. Yes, but I used the money to pay my student loans.

20. Are you involved in a stealth campaign to impose Shari’ah Law in the United States?  Or is it Shakira Law?  Anyway, circle the best answer.

A. No.

B. Yes, if you mean Shakira Law.

21. Do you believe in a one-state or a two-state solution?

A. No.

22. Why does the Kooooran talk about Hizballah in Surah 5 verse 56?

A. I hope that whenever CIA-supported AQ leader Zawahiri quotes that verse, which he does all the time but I digress, that he is tortured by the fact that Hizballah has been so successful.

B. You people are so fucking stupid it really is hard to believe.

C. A and B.

23. Has the FBI ever attempted to entrap you in a fake Jihadi sting?

A. No. I am not mentally retarded or insane or so desperately poor or any combination of the three to fall for that shit.

B. Yes. See item A above.  Sorry. At least I voted for Trump.

24. If you circled A or C (or both) in item 18 above, please explain why you think Zawahiri is CIA- supported. Circle all that apply.

A. He is an asshole.

B. If Hersh was right about bin Laden, how do I know that Zawahiri is not in a similar situation?

C. Look at all the fucking weeping and gnashing of teeth about east Aleppo in the media and in the US government because AQ got its ass kicked by the Russians, the Syrians, the Iranians, and Hizballah.  Did I mention Qur’an 5:56?  Hahahahaha.

D. Even Hillary knows what’s going on. Just read the Podesta emails that the Russians did not give to Wikileaks.

25. Hillary or Trump?

A. Hillary

B. Trump

C. Haifa Wehbe

2. Friedman and Greenblatt’s position paper on Israel.  To buy this horrible thing you have to completely close your eyes to reality.

Just one highlight.  Note to Shas party members, red highlighting is done by today’s guest editor, Ibn Mulaikah.

“The U.S. should view the effort to boycott, divest from, and sanction (BDS) Israel as inherently anti-Semitic and take strong measures, both diplomatic and legislative, to thwart actions that are intended to limit commercial relations with Israel, or persons or entities doing business in Israeli areas, in a discriminatory manner. The BDS movement is just another attempt by the Palestinians to avoid having to commit to a peaceful co-existence with Israel. The false notion that Israel is an occupier should be rejected.

3. Well it’s video time. Not sure what to do here.  How about 3 minutes and 22 seconds of insanity from a Navy Seal turned Tea Party speaker about the Communist and Muslim menace? It is one of the more disgusting things I’ve seen and unfortunately due to the nature of the blogging I have to see lots of disgusting things.  Tell you what, I’ll just give you the link to the Loon Watch article about this guy and that article also has the video and you can watch it if you want to make yourself sick.

http://www.loonwatch.com/2014/01/former-navy-seal-ben-smith-obama-is-a-muslim-drops-quran-to-the-ground/

Hmmmm. I can hear you all saying “Mantiq, that was disgusting, please give us something uplifting and do it fast.”

Okay.  Each year at this time I link to this video. Even if you have seen it before, you will enjoy it. The music is lovely too. I also love the default start frame of this video. Reminds me of two who are very dear, but I digress.

 

 

 

3 responses to “Have you registered a Muslim today?

  1. Kate writes:

    “video reminded me of my youth, when food stamps first came out went to grocery for aunt, one had to go to designated aisle & someone would yell food stamps..all would glance disapproval
    Video so nice when a penny can also change one’s world..ty u also change this one’s outlook, &world”

    MT replies:

    Thank you and I’m glad you enjoyed. Hope you get your WordPress issue fixed soon.

  2. What, no questions on what their favorite US tittie bar is or how much cocaine they snort and booze they drink while proclaiming–in a loud voice–to be devout Muslims who are going to do something terrible?

  3. Of course, if that was an Israelite question it would have a 12A. 13’s very unlucky and always “comes back to bite”. Well actually 1-25 are not that lucky either.

    Great article, I haven’t laughed so much since….er….last article 🙂

    My own recent masterpiece has the bare hide to bring the spirit of Eid to Christmas. Sacra bleu!!!!!

    https://ozziethinker.wordpress.com/2016/12/17/celebration-of-dreams-and-hope/

    Best seasonal wishes.
    OT

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