Israel Routes US Forces in “Six-Hour War”


(Artwork done by the Popular Front for the Liberation of the US – Skulz Division)

Obama Orders Land, Sea and Air Invasion of Israel

US Sixth Fleet Wiped Out by Israeli Planes, Ships and Subs

Entire Marine Expeditionary Unit Annihilated by Israeli Forces

10th Mountain Division Troops fail to take Haifa, flee into Southern Lebanon

Israeli Amphibious Assault on Washington DC successful. Israeli Flag Flies over the US Capitol Building.

Obama Hiding Out at Columbia University because no one there knows what he looks like.

After yet another contentious phone conversation with Bibi Netanyahu, the Israeli Vice Present for American Affairs (IVPFAA), Barack Hussein Sotero,  attempted a palace coup by ordering an immediate land, sea and air invasion of Israel yesterday morning.  Major forces from the US Sixth Fleet were near the Israeli coastline at the time, and General Martin Dempsey, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Stiff, figured that those forces, combined with the element of surprise, would be sufficient to “take over that shitty little country” according to highly placed Israeli military sources at the Pentagon.

The Israelis however were fully prepared for the attack and routed US forces in about six hours. “It’s like they had access to all of our classified military intelligence communications” said Pentagon spokesman Lt. Col. Lesley Miller.  “They knew everything, the specific amphibious assault ships, the number of planes taking off from the aircraft carriers, and the precise locations of the landings at Haifa and Ashdod, everything” a tearful Miller said as he was lead off to jail by Israeli authorities now in charge of the Pentagon.


According to Israeli intelligence sources at the CIA, Israeli submarines sunk the USS Kearsage, an LHD Wasp class amphibious assault ship, off the shores of Ashdod minutes after all of the marines in the infantry element of the ship’s Marine Expeditionary Unit were deployed onto landing craft and before the aviation combat element could take off. “The marines were fucking sitting duck’s out there in the water” said Avigdor Lieberman, Israel’s Foreign Minister adding “and we killed every single one of those motherfuckers.”

At almost the same time, for reasons that the Pentagon has yet to clarify, forces from the US Army’s 10th Mountain Division were landed in Haifa in northern Israel seconds before their ship was also sunk by Israel’s navy.  After a battle that lasted several minutes, the remaining members of the division high-tailed it into southern Lebanon where they were given refuge and protection by Hizbullah’s militia. “Yeah, once they got into Lebanon, we stopped chasing them” said Representative Eric Cantor, (Likud, Va) who was in Israel selling US military secrets at the time of the attack. Cantor added, “Those Hizbullah dudes can really kick ass, so we decided not to escalate the situation.”


The attack was doomed from the start because Israeli air and naval forces were able to sink the Sixth Fleet’s command ship just moments after it received its orders from Obama’s secure phone at the White House.  The USS Mount Whitney, whose new commander was put into place less than two weeks ago, and all of its crew were lost. Former USS Mount Whitney commander, Capt. Ted Williams, who was replaced due to allegations of misconduct on November 19th, said “Well, I guess that was a blessing in disguise.”

With the command and control structure decapitated at the start of the battle, the US assault was poorly coordinated and haphazard. In addition, “The Israeli military forces were far superior to anything we’ve faced since the end of WWII,” according to Dempsey. “Look what we’ve been doing since at least 1990 is fighting ragtime armies with no morale, no modern equipment, no air force whatsoever, and a number of whom want us to martyr them anyway. This is the first time in my military career that we’ve been ordered to fight someone who wasn’t essentially defenseless. Thank God we didn’t try to fight Hizbullah, they’d have really kicked our asses.”

As if to second Dempsey’s comments, Hizbullah spokesbeauty, Haifa Wehbe, noted “Some of the American troops were really pissed at Israel and wanted to join our militia. We told them they weren’t well-trained enough. Even a Shas Party member could figure that out, but I digress.”

According to Israel’s Ambassador to Israel, Dan Shapiro, “We were able to establish air superiority over the battle space as soon as we took out the Mount Whitney. We then turned our planes and subs onto the Nimitz and destroyed all of the aircraft on its deck. And damn, those German submarines are good. When the torpedoes hit the Nimitz it blew up like just like a bomb. No fuck ups this time, like when we couldn’t even sink the USS LIBERTY, we learned from that one.”

Israeli fighter pilots who participated in the “turkey shoot” as they called it, reported that once the Nimitz went up in radio-active smoke the rest of the ships in the Sixth fleet began to scatter in different directions. “It was fun watching the subs blow them up one by one” said one of the pilots. According to Dempsey, speaking from his prison cell,  the only reason that any of the ships managed to make it to Malta safely was because “The Israelis fucking ran out of torpedoes.”

In another surprise, it turns out that Israel’s Iron Dome technology, virtually useless against home-made Palestinian bottle rockets, works quite well against million-dollar-apiece and highly sophisticated cruise missiles. The Sixth fleet was able to launch a number of them before being taken out, but all of the missiles were successfully intercepted by Iron Dome. Israeli military expert, Wolf Blitzer, reported from Jerusalem “Israel knows cruise missile technology inside and out, having acquired it from the United States, improved it, and sold it to China and Russia.”

Not satisfied with the total demolition of the Sixth Fleet, Israeli generals ordered an amphibious invasion of Washington, DC using nuclear-armed submarines stationed off the US coast. As was the case on 9/11, Washington and the nearby Pentagon were completely undefended and after Israeli missiles took out the White House and most of the Pentagon, the Israeli forces quickly took over Capitol Hill. Congress was in session at the time and welcomed the Israeli troops with open arms and mouths.

“It was a great victory” said Senator Ben Cardin (Likud, Md) as he spat into a spittoon, “We were in the middle of a vote on a Joint resolution supporting Israel in this conflict when the troops came in. We gave them a standing ovation. I even  helped them raise the Israeli flag over the Capitol building.”

At the same time, in Lafayette Park Senator Charles Schumer, (Likud, NY), was holding a rally for Israel and speaking to an audience estimated at about 6 million people. “We are all Israelis now” he said, quoting an article from the National Review.  

In a related note, Shas Party officials, not realizing that this piece is satire, called for a National Day of Celebration in Israel called Yom Kick Ass to be held every December 1st until the Messiah returns. 

2. Okay, its video time. As you know, this site is a fan of the Palestinian musician Nabil Mansour. Recently Nabil sent to a number of his contacts a link to a new song he has done with the wonderful Ronza Ismail, another Palestinian artist – and one with a lovely voice. It’s beautiful.  It is in Arabic, but there are subtitles in three languages, including English, so that American, and I use that term loosely, news correspondents in the Middle East can understand it. I think that was pretty nice of Nabil.

3. I’ve been posting a bit to twitter lately, something I used to basically never do. The twitter link is at the top right-hand corner of this blog. I’ve also been active on Facebook – I hate Facebook, but anyway I’ve been more active over there as well. Come join me if you’d like.

23 responses to “Israel Routes US Forces in “Six-Hour War”

  1. Absolutely brilliant!!!but less satire than true.The Jews fought to kill off the USA from the beginning,and almost fully succeeded during the Civil War,when the Rothchilds backed the South,and Lincoln defied them.They took it in 1913 with the London Banks ruling the Federal Reserve.Than WW1,2,the Cold War(When The Zionists where kicked out of the Soviet System,after founding it)and now the JEW World Order is complete.The politicians put Israel First,and ignored there killing of JFK,theft of Nucleur Secrets,The USS Liberty,Espionage,and of course would love to let Pollard go!All of them pt JEW First! All must see Brother National Kaptner of Real Jew News.through Rense,com,and on You Tube,Amazing!David Irving Action been kicked off Huffington post again!!!! Everyone on here should sign up.I had a lot of support,and it drives them crazy!

  2. So israel can defeat the USA in a war but can’t defeat iran in one?

  3. we’re constantly hearing that the Rothchilds backed the Confederacy, while it was actually Mademoiselle Erlanger’s (Jewish) banking house which did so. The Rothchilds attempted to bankroll Lincoln at 36% interest rate and were turned down as Lincoln issued the Greenback – for which he paid with his life. Ulysses Grant warned about all this, and was personally bankrupted by a Rothchild operative particularly gifted at swindling. (Mlle Eerlanger’s initial loan to Jefferson davis was $15 million, by the way)

  4. Mantiq, only had a moment to scan, but this looks like a master piece, ranking you right up there with Jonathan Swift, can’t wait til tomorrow when I can read it properly, oh yeah, the USS Subservient, Brilliant. kateb

  5. I got a good laugh out of this well-written piece, then I cried, since it’s so true.

    But Israel would never need to defend itself against an attack from its colony, since the USA is a mere shadow of itself.

  6. Pingback: Israel Routes US Forces in “Six-Hour War” « The Ugly Truth

  7. love the satire

  8. Great. Absolutely brilliant. This would be a war I would actually support and sign up for. American troops on the front line fighting these coward israelis? Sign me up. It’ll never happen, and even if it did, the US would lose just like it is written here. They have all our technology and they know all our secrets. The enemy from within.

    jewish world government is almost complete with the exception of the middle east. That is why the west is in the middle east. They are trying to get the middle east to knuckle under jewish world government.

    Asia, the west are all under control of jewish world government. The middle east is the last bastion of freedom from jewish world government!

  9. Why does anyone considers the Six Hour War scenario a satire? The terrorist, who became Prime Minister of Israel, Menachim Begin, stated prior to his death: “We own the United States”. Ownership has its’ privileges. Not the least of these is access to the nations’ actual military capabilities, easily available to all Jewish officials on the tax-payer funded payrolls in the Federal government. Since all of these officials enjoy automatic Israeli/USA citizenship, sharing ALL of our “secrets” with their countrymen in Israel constitutes an act of patriotism. Never mind that such actions comprise a threat to all Americans and the country which produced the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Israel has neither of these. However, it does possess nuclear-powered submarines made in Germany. This combination of Zion’s power to make military decisions without constitutional restraints, the possession of nuclear weaponry, and the capacity to unleash this death-dealing power throughout the world, removes the Six Hour War scenario from the realm of satire. Given Israel’s history of aggressively acquisitive responses to any self-perceived “threats” to its’ self-defined “security”, a Six Hour War between the USA and Israel becomes a greater probability. If the day comes that America makes the moral decision to recognize the humanity of the Palestinian people by supporting Palestinian nationhood, without the “permission” of the Israel Lobby, probability of conflict between the giver ( USA ) and the taker ( Israel ) becomes a likelihood. Somewhere the ghost of Hitler is chuckling: ” In purchasing German-made submarines from my people, the Jews are confirming what I’ve always said: My Master Race makes the best products.”

  10. And Breaking News: Fox News brings you the USA’s new Viceroy, Mr. Mitt Romney, appointed and sworn in this morning Dec. 3rd.:
    “After speaking with dear leaderBibi, I am authorized to inform you that the US did deserve this righteous Israeli punishment, retribution for many years of repression and deceit.
    It is an open secret how cheap the US government is with the foreign aid money, causing humiliation to the tribe by making us perpetually beg for a few sheckels, never did they offer. Same deal with military weapons,the US always keep the best for themselves, the heighth of greed. Then they have the nerve to jail Jonathan P., and for what? They knew we needed those secrets, we had already made promises to China and Russia.

    And when we wanted to ship our nuclear waste to Detroit, Michigan, where all those exiled Palestinians live,( radiation has no effect on Aaarabs) , we were refused!
    The Americans ignore us unless they want to exploit us,

    America was never there for us when we needed them, especially at the UN – they just rolled over last week and allowed the Palestinians to move up a notch towards statehood. Oh calamity, where are the US vetoes when we need them?
    There was also the problem with the US military — they balked at our demand to send Iran back to the dark ages . they’ve been whining about spilling USA blood & treasure since we sent them into Afghanistan and Iraq — something about no more wars for Israel unless we can guarantee plausible deniability and maintain secrecy, just wait until we reintroduce the draft, haha.

    Lucky for us that America has all those Fema camps ready for all anti-semites, holocaust deniers and blood libelers that we can get our mitts on.

    Good night lucky American citizens, Israel and Mitt have you safely in the palms of their left hands – while their right hands rifle through your pockets for evidence and valuables. Peace. Out.

  11. Wolfgang Von Zubaz

    I get that this is satirical but in all seriousness the IDF is a crap armed forces. They only beat on 98lb weaklings like Hamas. When it comes to fighting well trained opposition like Hezbollah they fail. The South Lebanon war a few years back is a prime example

  12. Good humour, MT.

    Unfortunately I see a large number of problems that perhaps began when Theodore Roosevelt said in 1904 “..United States, [however reluctantly], in flagrant cases of [such wrongdoing or] impotence, to the exercise of an international police power.” This was in conjunction with American ideals as expressed by the Monroe Doctrine.

    Things got progressively worse when Woodrow Wilson (the same President that backed the Leviathan backed “Russian” revolution and Federal Reserve cartel) expressed his “vision” to create a ‘world remade in America’s image and therefore permanently at peace’. This led to the 14 point plan for Germany, the formation of the League of Nations (part of the plan) which grew into the the United Nations.

    From 1945 the United Nations could establish a “legal” case for war, whereas prior wars were always moral “justified” (i.e. we kill and main you for “your own good”). Provisions such as Article 51 “the right to self defense” were open to abuse, culminating [?] in the fraudulent and illegal war with Iraq in 2003.

    US Senator Beverage and others had already set the scene pitching America as the [new] Promised Land in his 1900 Senate speech: “….and thanksgiving to Almighty God that He has marked us as His Chosen People, henceforth to lead in the regeneration of the world…”

    Israel was set up as the Pharisaic extra-government and even in 2012 we have a bunch of mindless chooks running around exclaiming all this has happened by “accident”.

    America WILL back Israel to the hilt because America and Israel are one. The only way out is CIVIL WAR!

  13. Brilliant!! Absolutely brilliant!! Satire such as this is very hard to come by. I confess; I couldn’t help but laugh as I read the details. Oh, yes, the details. That is what stood out the most. The USS Subservient?? Now, that’s the real kicker. Great job!

  14. Considering that US patriots working in intelligence may be reading and monitoring your site, you do the country a great service by highlighting for them how compromised we are as a nation to Israhell.

  15. It`s probably not that farfetched..

  16. I am not convinced that US “patriots” working in intelligence are particularly for the people and they understand the notion of ‘colateral damage’.

    “Speed reading” is a sin and I missed the section about Israel’s dome, which hasn’t been tested in a REAL war situation and, factoring potential new technologies, really was a waste of time.

    Going back to RickB’s comment. Isn’t this about the human aspect? What’s really going on here. The ‘red line in the sand’ happens to coincide with the “magical” 21st or 23rd December 2012 mystical date (depending on your percession calculations). A “golden age” of Zionism requires that Iran either be conquered by or ruled by the Messiarch {Messiah]. United Nations in “making the moves” on American “sovereignty” in the positioning of a one world federation; or is it the other way round [and the people have been “confused” yet again]. Are non members going to constitute the new “axis of evil”?

    Then we have Zionism; a universal disenfranchisement of Judaism harmonising pure blood, part blood and non-blood members to an end that justifies any means. Are the Qutb inspired neo-Islamists characterised by populist identities such as bin-Laden and Zawahiri simply being used as draw cards to bring all Muslims towards shallow and deceitfully conflict? There is no doubt and no debate that Zionism is founded on Pharisaic principles – rule of law by the sword. In what way are the Ulema any different, particularly when they reference soundbite politics and distinctly uncivilised individuals such as bin-Laden and Zawahiri as “justification” for sharia law? Where is the the difference between Zionism and neo-Islamicism?

    I accept that Mohamed’s philosophy of umma and the tahwid will seperate east from west for eternity, but none-the-less has the disintegration of the profound influence by the Saducesss and the Falisafa had and effect of progressing two evils? Or are they actually the same evil? Isn’t this actually a war between those of liberal view and tolerance and those who seek perpetual tryanny and remorseless violence because “they can” which is being played out in America, Israel, Europe, the Middle East and EVERYWHERE?

  17. OzzieThinker | December 4, 2012 at 10:35 pm |
    Where is the the difference between Zionism and neo-Islamicism?

    You are really a huge piece of SHIT!


  18. BAFS

    The first recourse of those with no plausible response is to call names. When that doesn’t work, they use weaponery.

    Is “cuddly” CIA asset “Tim Osman” a.k.a. Osama Bin Laden or “baby” Bibi Netanyahu your hero?

    Both have admirably progressed to clash of civilisations as a means to blissful tyranny, so maybe they an equal first place in your most black of hearts. If that is so, it is you who are the shit on my shoe…………….

    Yes I am a Sane Humble Intelligent Thinker. Thank you for the compliment :-)

  19. B.A.Frémaux-Soormally | December 4, 2012 at 11:03 pm |
    OzzieThinker | December 4, 2012 at 10:35 pm |
    Where is the the difference between Zionism and neo-Islamicism?

    There is nothing to reply! I saw a really huge piece of SHIT, I quoted it and called it SHIT!

    You did not think you can insult other people’s religion and tell lies about it and then get away with it that easily! It is because of garbage like you (cowardly hiding behind a pseudonym and posing as experts and attacking others) that I do not engage into any intellectual exchange on a forum where I am welcome.

    Do you see how stupid you are? You attacked Islam and Muslims, and now you drag in Sheikh Usama Bin Ladin that you associate with a mass murderer and a lying Jew!

    I believe that I did make a similar observation to you somewhere else, lousy thinker!


  20. “Obama Orders Land, Sea and Air Invasion of Israel”

    When this happens, there will be no orders given but just a strike! A pity it’s just a joke!


  21. Ozzie, I any “neo-Islamicism”/islamofascism you see is in reaction to zionism. Remove zionism and islamofacsism desists.

    And if you’re talking liberal (e.g. meaning freedom) tendencies and tethering it to jewish culture, then you’re talking so liberal as to be anarchism or having one’s cake and eating it too…. not possible.

  22. Ozzie, i believe that you know that islamofascism is a reaction to zionism. But like all zionist obfuscators, you want to equate the reaction to the causal action. This is common practice of the zionists liars, from the lying tribe. People should be able to easily see it coming by now. And I think they do, Ozzie.

  23. Oh, please.
    Without the USA, there is no Israel.

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