Mubarak Calls on Obama To Step Down as President

1. (By Mark Griffe Janine Witte Zacharia Sanger. Cairo, Feb. 6. Mantiq al-Tayr Press – MTP) In a breathtaking move to seize the initiative in Cairo, Egyptian President Mohamed Hosni Mubarak appeared on the podium in Tahrir Square today and addressed not only the Egyptian people but also the entire world. The crowd of over a quarter of a million onlookers looked up in stunned silence as Mubarak appeared on the podium, picked up the microphone and began his address.  The address was as shocking and dramatic as it was unexpected.

“Oh people of Egypt” he began, “it’s time for you to go home and start leading normal lives again. If you don’t, I am going to turn the army loose on you. They’ve wanted to kill all you sons of bitches from the very first day of this ridiculous waste of time, but I have been the one who has stopped them. As of the curfew time’s beginning today, and that’s in about 2 hours from now, I have ordered them to squash you people like the fucking little wretched cockroaches you are.”

“Before I go on, I want to take a moment and tell that arrogant half-breed American President, Barak Obama, to shut the fuck up. In fact, I call on you, Obama, to step down immediately and begin a transition to a US government that isn’t run by a bunch of fucking pussies. Yes, I said it, pussies! You could either have sided openly with me, or if you had had the courage, you could have even called on me to step down in no uncertain terms. But no, you didn’t have the balls to openly side with me or with these soon to be dead miscreants who are standing here in Tahrir square. So get the hell out of office and put someone else in charge who has about as much regard for the US constitution as you or I do, how about Donald Rumsfeld? He and Umar are pretty good friends you know. Yeah, he’d be just the guy.”

Suddenly, Mubarak reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a yellow document and waved it in the air saying “And this President Obama, this is my mother fucking birth certificate! Where the hell is yours? I may be a corrupt blood-thirsty, Israeli-ass kissing, two-bit tyrant just like you, but at least I am a fucking Egyptian.”

Mubarak put the paper back inside his jacket pocket, paused for just a moment, and then said:

“One other thing before I close. After I get done kicking your asses from here to the Aswan dam, I going to shut up those damn Palestinians in Gaza once and for all. Oh, hey, Abu Mazen, listen to this. I have had it with you too. Once I’m done with Hamas, I coming after your ass. Fuck the PLO, fuck Palestine. Everyone knows that Arabs pretty much all hate the Palestinians anyway, we may as well just let everybody know so we can put an end to this bullshit peace process. My government hates the Palestinians, the Syrian government hates the Palestinians, the Jordanian government hates the Palestinians and God only knows that every single Lebanese citizen would gladly put all the Palestinians in a big fucking gas chamber and let Netanyahu pump in the gas and they’d all dance around it singing “Nah nah nah, hey hey, good-bye.”

“Okay, you’ve got two hours to get the hell out of here and go back to your worthless stupid peasant lives in this shit-hole called Cairo. If you don’t, well what do you think we have this huge bloated corrupt military for you idiots? It’s not to fight the Israelis, hell, even today they’d kick our asses all the way to Casa Blanca – besides if they wanted to, they’d just nuke the Aswan dam and then all of you sons of bitches would drown. No, the Army isn’t there to fight Israel, or anyone else for that matter. It’s there for times like this when you uppity over-educated useless eaters get out of control. I order General Tantawi, the head of the Egyptian armed forces, to kill anyone who is demonstrating anywhere in Egypt as of 3:00 pm today, Egypt time. You have about an hour and forty-five minutes folks. Go home and eat that shitty mulukhiyya stuff you claim you love so much. I’m going to the palace and downing a whole barrel of Kentucky Fried Chicken while I watch the Super Bowl. God, I hate the Steelers, but I digress.”

Mubarak then ended his address with the traditional:

“Peace be upon you and the mercy and blessings of God, you mother fuckers.”

The reaction was muted at the White House. Presidential spokesman Robert Gibbs said that Obama was pleased that Mubarak had been able to resolve the crisis and hoped that the Egyptian people would then move forward with their lives. Gibbs said Obama was busy watching the Super Bowl and would probably phone Mubarak during half-time of the game.

2. I kind of find this interesting:

(JTA) — Cuban prosecutors will seek a 20-year prison sentence for accused spy Alan Gross, a U.S. government contractor that the State Department says was assisting Cuban Jews.

Gross is accused of “Acts Against the Independence and Territorial Integrity of the State,” Reuters reported, citing a Feb. 4 report by Cuban state media via a government-run website. . .

Cuban authorities detained Gross on Dec. 3, 2009 on his way out of the country, saying he was a spy.

Gross’ family and State Department officials say he was in the country on a U.S. Agency for International Development contract to help the country’s Jewish community of about 1,500 to communicate with other Jewish communities through the Internet.

The main Jewish groups in Cuba have denied any contact with or knowledge of Gross or the program.

3. I have an idea. Why don’t we trade Jonathan Pollard for Yigal Amir?

4. Elliot Abrams has announced he will not run for Egyptian President next year.

5. “Eliyalu Eliezer Werdesheim, 23, a Shomrim volunteer and former Israeli special forces soldier, and his brother Avi Werdesheim, 20, who does not work with Shomrim, have been charged with false imprisonment, second-degree assault and possession of a deadly weapon. Both are scheduled to be arraigned in Baltimore City Circuit Court on Feb. 16.”

If a Sunni Muslim group engaged in this kind of thing, they’d ALL be in jail.

13 responses to “Mubarak Calls on Obama To Step Down as President

  1. Mantiq,

    You slay me every time…tears of laughter. THANKS.

  2. LIES !

  3. I have decided to boycott the Superbowl. I do not think the NFL should have caved in to Napolitano and Obama and allowed them to scan and pat down everyone entering the stadium. The Superbowl is more popular than either of those two. I refuse to watch it ever again until the get rid of the scanners, the pat downs and the TSA.

    Also, I do not think the Office of the Presidency would be diminished by replacing Obama with Biden. The Presidency cannot be diminished any further than it has been. Americans let Israel get away with the assassinations of JFK, MLK and RFK.

  4. This article was awesome and hilarious; although I was so hoping it were real; as in dump political correctness. If absurd policies of political correctness were dumped, this speech and observations would have been made exactly as written.

  5. Do not know if you saw this interesting article by Engdhal. Excerpts.
    rense.com

    As real as the factors are that are driving millions into the streets across North Africa and the Middle East, what cannot be ignored is the fact that Washington is deciding the timing and as they see it, trying to shape the ultimate outcome of comprehensive regime change destabilizations across the Islamic world. The day of the remarkably well-coordinated popular demonstrations demanding Mubarak step down, key members of the Egyptian military command including Chief of General Staff Lt. Gen. Sami Hafez Enan were all in Washington as guests of the Pentagon. That conveniently neutralized the decisive force of the Army to stop the anti-Mubarak protests from growing in the critical early days.

    The US Project for a ‘Greater Middle East’

    The spreading regime change operations Washington from Tunisia to Sudan, from Yemen to Egypt to Syria are best viewed in the context of a long-standing Pentagon and State Department strategy for the entire Islamic world from Kabul in Afghanistan to Rabat in Morocco.

    The rough outlines of the Washington strategy, based in part on their successful regime change operations in the former Warsaw Pact communist bloc of Eastern Europe, were drawn up by former Pentagon consultant and neo-conservative, Richard Perle and later Bush official Douglas Feith in a white paper they drew up for the then-new Israeli Likud regime of Benjamin Netanyahu in 1996.

    That policy recommendation was titled A Clean Break: A New Strategy for Securing the Realm. It was the first Washington think-tank paper to openly call for removing Saddam Hussein in Iraq, for an aggressive military stance toward the Palestinians, striking Syria and Syrian targets in Lebanon. Reportedly, the Netanyahu government at that time buried the Perle-Feith report, as being far too risky.

    By the time of the events of September 11, 2001 and the return to Washington of the arch-warhawk neoconservatives around Perle and others, the Bush Administration put highest priority on an expanded version of the Perle-Feith paper, calling it their Greater Middle East Project. Feith was named Bush’s Under Secretary of Defense.

    Behind the facade of proclaiming democratic reforms of autocratic regimes in the entire region, the Greater Middle East was and is a blueprint to extend US military control and to break open the statist economies in the entire span of states from Morocco to the borders of China and Russia.

    In May 2009, before the rubble from the US bombing of Baghdad had cleared, George W. Bush, a President not remembered as a great friend of democracy, proclaimed a policy of “spreading democracy” to the entire region and explicitly noted that that meant “the establishment of a US-Middle East free trade area within a decade.”

    Prior to the June 2004 G8 Summit on Sea Island, Georgia, Washington issued a working paper, “G8-Greater Middle East Partnership.” Under the section titled Economic Opportunities was Washington’s dramatic call for “an economic transformation similar in magnitude to that undertaken by the formerly communist countries of Central and Eastern Europe.”

    The US paper said that the key to this would be the strengthening of the private sector as the way to prosperity and democracy. It misleadingly claimed it would be done via the miracle of microfinance where as the paper put it, “a mere $100 million a year for five years will lift 1.2 million entrepreneurs (750,000 of them women) out of poverty, through $400 loans to each.”

    The US plan envisioned takeover of regional banking and financial afairs by new institutions ostensibly international but, like World Bank and IMF, de facto controlled by Washington, including WTO. The goal of Washington’s long-term project is to completely control the oil, to completely control the oil revenue flows, to completely control the entire economies of the region, from Morocco to the borders of China and all in between. It is a project as bold as it is desperate.

    Once the G8 US paper was leaked in 2004 in the Arabic Al-Hayat, opposition to it spread widely across the region, with a major protest to the US definition of the Greater Middle East. As an article in the French Le Monde Diplomatique in April 2004 noted, “besides the Arab countries, it covers Afghanistan, Iran, Pakistan, Turkey and Israel, whose only common denominator is that they lie in the zone where hostility to the US is strongest, in which Islamic fundamentalism in its anti-Western form is most rife.” It should be noted that the NED is also active inside Israel with a number of programs.

    Notably, in 2004 it was vehement opposition from two Middle East leaders-Hosni Mubarak of Egypt and the King of Saudi Arabia-that forced the ideological zealots of the Bush Administration to temporarily put the Project for the Greater Middle East on a back burner.

    Will it work?

    At this writing it is unclear what the ultimate upshot of the latest US-led destabilizations across the Islamic world will bring. It is not clear what will result for Washington and the advocates of a US-dominated New World Order. Their agenda is clearly one of creating a Greater Middle East under firm US grip as a major control of the capital flows and energy flows of a future China, Russia and a European Union that might one day entertain thoughts of drifting away from that American order.

  6. Bravo – cut to the quick – classic!

  7. 5 dancing shlomos

    till proven otherwise i will believe that these uprisings are from the people. the u.s. and others may try controlling/influencing. but try is all so far. and mainly via its domestic tv mouths, ie, paid liars.

  8. B.A.Frémaux-Soormally

    The masses are so addicted to the “NEWS” that it is hopeless to make them use their brains instead of the stuff below their belts!

    I wrote when all this Egyptian hysteria started that I was going to sleep and would wake up only when all this is over because I saw it all already with Reza Pahlavi, Yasser Arafat, Saddam Hussain and Sheikh Usama Bin Ladin, just to mention a few.

    But, some guys would really not let me sleep in peace!

    BAFS

  9. @horse237….Well, Well, Well, did they maybe ruin your plans horse237? I sure wouldn’t gripe about someone trying to keep me safe. Maybe you were one of them they were protecting us from…We never know do we????

  10. You have to look at this short clip. A rabbi slips up and tells the truth to a group of English street thugs from the EDL

    Please forward this to your favorite Internet radio host.

    It will be the lead video on my video only blog.

    http://vidrebel.wordpress.com

  11. Horse 237 — I wonder where you get your info? Israel did not do what you are saying……that is just your opinion! My opinion is Israel wouldn’t do that.
    Don’t make statements that aren’t proven! Please … we have enough of that from Washington!

  12. This is hilarious..wish it was true!!Most American people would like to see Obama step-down!I pray for Mubarak to find safety..I know he loves Egypt.I don’t know exactly what kind of ruler he was,but there are a lot of college graduates.I know he was one of our dearest friends..Mubarak helped the U.S several times in that region.Obama scares me.

  13. Funny True and to the point..

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