A Parrot, a Cat, a Stapler, and Bullshit

The concourse of the Tuyuur have decided that you all need something to lighten you up, to keep all from getting just too damn serious about everything. So here goes.

1. First on the list, and it could only be first, is the great story of the parrot Willie.  The person he owns, Megan Howard, was baby sitting a toddler last fall and she had the wisdom of Solomon, the great bird lover, to bring Willie along.  Well, Megan had to take a trip to the bathroom while the baby was still eating, so it seems. After she shut the bathroom door the baby began to choke and to turn blue. Willie, another Mantiqiyyan hero, alerted Megan by shouting loudly:

يا ميغان تعالي تعالي الطفل في خطر شديد

Okay, I’m just kidding. Willie doesn’t speak Arabic. But what he did do was yell in English repeatedly “Momma, Baby” so that Megan heard him and quickly came to the baby’s rescue successfully performing a Heimlich maneuver. [On the baby, not the parrot]

The Parrot won an award for this.

We did a remote viewing session to see what would have happened if Megan had been owned by a cat instead.  Here is what the cat would have done:

2. Here’s something for the readers of Mantiq al-Tayr who can read Arabic. It’s advice on how not to run for the US presidency, which is really just a VP job in charge of American Affairs for the PM of Israel anyway. Those of you who do not know Arabic can cut and paste into Google Translate. Those who know Arabic might enjoy the web site from which this excerpt is copied.

المرشح الذي لن يفوز بإنتخابات الرئاسة

لو كنت رئيسا فإنني سأوقف منذ الأيام الأولى العمليات الإرهابية ضد الولايات المتحدة الأمريكية . أولا ، سأقدم إعتذاري لكل الأرامل واليتامى والأشخاص الذين تعرضوا للتعذيب ، ولأولئك الذين كان الفقر نصيبهم ، ولملايين الضحايا الآخرين . بعد ذلك سأعلن في الجهات الأربع للعالم بأن التدخل الأمريكي في دول العالم قد انتهى بشكل نهائي ، وسأخبر إسرائيل بأنها لم تعد أبدا الولاية الواحدة والخمسين من الولايات المتحدة الأمريكية، وإنما مجرد دولة أجنبية . بعد ذلك، سأقلص من الميزانية العسكرية بنسبة 90% على الأقل ، محولا الفائض إلى الضحايا كتعويضات ، وسيكون ذلك فوق حد الكفاية . فالميزانية العسكرية السنوية التي تقدر بـ330 مليار دولار ، تعني أكثر من 18000 دولارا للساعة الواحدة منذ ميلاد المسيح إلى اليوم . هذا ما سأقوم به في الأيام الثلاثة الأولى ، وفي اليوم الرابع ، سأتعرض للإغتيال

3. Hey, is your job bullshit? Maybe you work for Alex Jones or maybe the guy running RBN is driving you nuts? Or maybe you are at Walmart, McDonalds, or even a poor down and outer at Goldman Sucks or the Asshole Investment Group (AIG).  Maybe you will end up in jail with Bernie Madoff, or get off the hook for being a traitor to the US by passing secrets for your shitty employer to a foreign government.  If so, you can go here and make contributions yourself that will make others laugh. Don’t be a fat couch cat. Go bitch and moan, but do it with a sense of humor.

And just for you, here’s the famous stapler line from the greatest movie ever made, Office Space.

mystapler

Final Jewdgment

1. Nachshon Wachsman was an Israeli soldier serving in an elite combat unit within the Golani Brigade who was captured by HAMAS members in 1994.  HAMAS had threatened to kill him if 200 HAMAS people held by Israel were not released. Just before the deadline Israeli troops raided the location where he was held and he was killed in the ensuing fight. It’s a sad story but when you occupy another people’s land and try to destroy them your troops might find themselves in harm’s way. Wachsman was born in Jerusalem to an American mother who moved there in the 1960′s. Therefore he has American citizenship as do all of his brothers. It is okay to serve in the Israeli Army and retain your US citizenship. (I wonder if any such US citizens were on the Israeli side in the attack on the USS Liberty, but I digress.)

But never fear. US District Judge Ricardo Urbina has decided that he works for the Israeli judiciary. He is, of course, correct.  He has ordered that Iran pay 25 million (worthless) US dollars to the victim’s family because Iran has supported and trained HAMAS.

The tuyuur here at the Mantiq al-Tayr site are waiting to see if the “honorable” judge will also bill the Israeli government too since it was Israel that provided the seed money so HAMAS could be created.

But we are not just waiting for that. We hope that US-citizen Palestinian relatives of any Palestinian killed in Gaza or the West Bank by the Israeli army will file complaints against the US government because of all the assistance it gives to Israel. I hope the cases end up in Judge, and I use the term loosely, Urbina’s court.

Since Urbina last year issued an order freeing some Chinese Muslims from Guantanamo, and for which he caught hell from Israeli supporters,  the chirping in our circles is about if this decision was some sort of quid pro quo.

We suggest that Barrack Obama, who is probably a natural born US citizen, keep this in mind.

He also sentenced Asher Karni, an Israeli crook involved in selling nuclear technology to PAKISTAN, to [just] three years in jail back in 2005.

What is going on here?

What would have happened to a guy named Muhammad Abd Al-Rahman if he were caught selling nuclear technology to Pakistan? I mean, what would happen to him after he was arrested, tortured, featured in the Amerisraeli press as the embodiment of Satan and then convicted? I bet he’d have gotten a lot more than three years.

2. There’s a another little tricky legal maneuver going on that should scare the hell out of you. Congress is about to pass hate-law legislation that will be a first step to making criticizing things the government does not want you to illegal. It will end up being used to criminalize anyone who criticizes Zionism. For info on the hate laws go here. The site is run by a kooky anti-Muslim guy who also is anti Zionist, but he has for years been standing in the way of hate-law legislation in this country and anyone who cares about free speech should admire him and thank him for that. Thank you Rev. Ted Pike. Canada has hate laws and they suck. Germany puts people in jail for saying that fewer than 6 million Jews died in the camps.

The ADL and its like-minded associates like Judea Pearl have been helping set the stage for criminalizing anyone who criticizes Zionism by arguing that to be anti-Zionist is to be anti-Semitic.  Once that equation is accepted in the Muslim-dominated American main stream press and once the hate-law legislation starts getting passed then I guess people like Charles Freeman, John J. Mearsheimer and Stephen M. Walt could find themselves in legal trouble. To read Abe Foxman’s idiotic comments you can go here to Xymphora’s site or at Mondoweiss. Xymphora is Canadian, you should do a search on hate laws on his site and sit back and enjoy.

Judea Pearl’s article appeared a week or two ago in the LA Times and was later featured in the Baltimore Sun, both of which are owned by ardent Zionist and Chicago slumlord Sam Zell.  In fact, according to Pearl, anti-Zionism is “more dangerous” than anti-Semitism.

So, once the hate-speech laws are passed by a Congress that is controlled by the Organization of the Islamic Conference and once the Islamofacists in the media equate anti-Zionism with hate speech, then it looks like “Judge” (did I mention that I use the term very loosely?) Ricardo Urbina will have lots of people to put in jail.

3. In fact, the US government at your expense is actually going to provide over 100 Yemeni Jews who don’t believe in Zionism as possible fodder for our “judges.” What? Okay, Mantiq, you’ve really gone too far now. That is bullshit.

No, actually it is not bullshit. But what the US government is doing is bullshit.

With assistance by the US government and Jewish organizations in the US, 300 Jews living in Rada, Yemen are scheduled to emigrate by Pesach. Despite efforts by the Jewish Agency to persuade them to move to Israel, one-third have opted to immigrate to the US, which has caused considerable embarrassment to aliyah officials in Israel.

Yes, one third of these Jews are refusing to go to the Jewish State. Why? Well it turns out that a lot of these Jews reject Zionism. So, they are coming here and you get to pay for it. And then when Urbina puts them in jail a few years from now for being anti-Zionist, you can pay for that too. That is, if you are not already in jail.

Update: You can now download an mp3 of this file by going to Mantiq on MP3 at the top of this page.

No More Whores for Israel

1. Elinor Dvir is a rather unusual person, even for an Israeli criminal living in the United States. Possibly a diamond smuggler as well as a hooker she also managed to get US residency while in jail in the US, I’m sure many Mexicans would wonder about this. Getting her US residency allowed her out of jail so she could then plan to have her ex-husband murdered, after all, he is the one who had her locked up in the first place. I mean, what would  you do?

How did she get her US residency? We’ll never know, the court records are sealed.

2. As I’m sure Daniel Pipes would tell you again and again and again, you just can’t trust those Muslims, especially them there Iranians. Looks like Bernie Madoff isn’t the only alleged major league ponzi  schemer in the news.  Iranian born real estate mogul Ezri Namvar is being charged with running a huge real estate ponzi scheme in California bilking wealthy Persians in the Beverly Hills area out of their life savings. His victims were all Jews, so no doubt the ADL must be terribly upset at this anti-Semite perpetrating this fraud on those poor Jews in Beverly Hills.

Well maybe not.

The whole things  sounds very Israeli.

3. Isn’t it a shame that Dvir, Namvar and Madoff may not be able to take advantage of the new tax breaks Israel is giving to Jews (not to Palesinians) to re-immigrate into Palestine Israel?

What benefits do they get?

What’s it all about? (red emphasis is mine)

From now on, each and every immigrant and returning resident will be entitled to assistance in:
creating or transferring a business from abroad,
finding or retraining for a new job – an important service that can ensure a successful Aliyah.

To inform Jews and Israelis around the world about this new reform, and in order to enable them to examine it, the Ministry of Immigrant Absorption and the Jewish Agency are launching an extensive PR campaign, to help each and every one of you make the correct decision.

The reform provides Jews around the world with a unique and worthwhile opportunity to make Aliyah, and enables hundreds of thousands of Israelis living abroad to return home. It reflects our desire to increase the number of people who choose to live here. Based on the reforms, new immigrants and returning residents will enjoy an adjustment period and tax exemptions – even on assets and new activities generated abroad.

Upon the enactment of the tax reform, Finance Minister Roni Bar-On stated that the new law would enrich Israel’s economy with human resources, widen its knowledge base and increase investment. According to Tax Authority Director General Yehuda Nasradishi, the legislation reflects the Authority’s desire to formulate simpler, clearer and more effective legislation.

Ze’ev Bielski, Chairman of the Jewish Agency, says that with the global economic crisis rocking the world to its foundations, especially for those living in the West, each day and every hour is an excellent one to begin planning the future and thinking seriously about Aliyah. It is especially now and under these specific global conditions, that living in Israel becomes of paramount importance to our future and that of our loved ones. Bielski is certain that the tax benefits program will help Jews the world over to make a decision to build their homes and their future in Israel.

Absorption Minister Eli Aflalo sees in the reforms a genuine revolution, one that for the first time combines Zionist and ethical principles with financial viability. The tax burden, he says, has always been a primary obstacle for immigrants and Israelis wishing to return to Israel. The lifting of this hurdle will produce significant growth in the number of Olim and will double the number of Israelis returning home. He is convinced that his ministry will continue to act towards lifting other economic barriers, developing even more attractive programs and encouraging Aliyah so that the Nation’s best can return home – to Israel.

Arabs need not apply.

4. You are paying for this just as you are paying for all of the bailouts. I suggest you wake up.   Almost 535 people are prostituting themselves on your behalf.

Sign Language

1. In the Qur’anic world-view, everything around us is a sign that points to something greater. It is inconceivable from a Quranic perspective that a rational person could be other than a believer in God whose handiwork is right there in front of us if we would just look.  Verses 20-26 of Surah 30 are some of my favorite examples of this. Here the Qur’an tells us, among other things, that the differences in our colors and our languages are signs of God that we should reflect upon in addition to the love that exists between man and wife.

Here’s the English rendering from Yusuf Ali:

20. Among His Signs in this, that He created you from dust; and then,- behold, ye are men scattered (far and wide)!

21. And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

22. And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the variations in your languages and your colours: verily in that are Signs for those who know.

23. And among His Signs is the sleep that ye take by night and by day, and the quest that ye (make for livelihood) out of His Bounty: verily in that are signs for those who hearken.

24. And among His Signs, He shows you the lightning, by way both of fear and of hope, and He sends down rain from the sky and with it gives life to the earth after it is dead: verily in that are Signs for those who are wise.

25. And among His Signs is this, that heaven and earth stand by His Command: then when He calls you, by a single call, from the earth, behold, ye (straightway) come forth.

26. To Him belongs every being that is in the heavens and on earth: all are devoutly obedient to Him.

2. The Mermaid over at Mermaid’s Sea has posted a lovely excerpt from رحلتي من الشك الى الايمان by Mustafa Mahmoud which also quotes from Surah 30 and which expands on the theme in item 1 above from an esoteric, inward, and reflective point of view. I encourage those Mantiqiyyun and Mantiqiyyat who know Arabic to read that post and get into the language. Should any of you wish to translate the selection posted, we can post it here. I’ll edit it and give you some assistance should you choose to do so.

3. Speaking of signs, have you all noticed the protests that are sweeping the entire United States in opposition to highway construction? It is really one of the  most spontaneous outbursts of public outrage I have every seen.  Having done a lot of traveling around the country lately I noticed this everywhere I went:

It’s nice to see the American people finally getting upset about something important. Yes, it makes me a believer once again in my countrymen.

Now to move on to something humorous, here’s a sign only a government bureaucrat could have thought of (whether in Egypt, the US, or in a really weird place like Canada, all bureaucrats are the same).

يا إلهي   

Arabists Anonymous, Racist T-Shirts and a Cute Parrot

1. First of all I want to draw everyone’s attention to the blog by the Anonymous Arabist. The past few weeks this blog has been right on talking about everything from interesting historical works on the Middle East to god awful stereotypes of Arabs and Muslims in fiction to the racist t-shirts IDF soldiers like to wear. Anon’s posts are often quite thoughtful and highlight the ironies so prevelant in discourse about Islam, Arabic, Arabs and the like.  For all you Muslim haters out there, here’s a post by Anon on how peaceful the bible is compared to the Qur’an. Oh, and Anon apparently likes to cook and share recipes.

2. As one might suspect, the viciously anti-Semitic ADL has said absolutely nothing about the racist t-shirts IDF soldiers love to wear. Plus the ADL has said nothing about the awful atrocities committed against the people of Gaza – even stuff reported in the Jerusalem Washington New York Times Post.

Of course the ADL does have articles defending Israeli actions in Gaza and attacking t-shirts it does not like, see here and here. Therefore, we here at Mantqi al-Tayr vote for the ADL as the Munafiq of the month, year, and century.

3. Since there is an on-going espionage trial involving the Israeli lobby and since the ADL has a long history of spying on the American people and since people like Dennis Ross who are part and parcel of the Israeli lobby serve in very sensitive positions in the US government and since almost everyone in Congress is required to suck up to Israel in order to stay in power, the FBI is sending secret agents into mosques to spy on Muslims.

4. This parrot can play golf. Cats cannot play golf.

Exclusive: Ahmadinejad’s Easter Address to the American Government

We bring you great news, O lovers of Mantiq, lovers of cute little birds who commune with the great Solomon. A tiny little hudhud

The hudhud. Note that Solomon liked birds, not cats.

has miraculously winged his way across the ocean of misunderstanding and deception that lies between Iran and the United States carrying with him the soon-to-be released text of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinijad’s Easter address to the new administration in the White House. We here at Mantiq al-Tayr have dropped everything else we are doing (and believe me, we are up to our beaks in wickedly wonderful stuff) to bring you this text.  Here it is, in full below. We strongly suggest reading the whole thing and ponder. Can you, like Solomon, understand mantiq al-tayr?

THE PRESIDENT: Today I want to extend my very best wishes to all who are celebrating Easter around the world.

This holiday is both an ancient ritual and a moment of renewal, and I hope that you enjoy this special time of year with friends and family.

In particular, I would like to speak directly to the people and leaders of the republic known as the United States of America.  Easter is just one part of your great and celebrated culture. Over many centuries your art, your music, literature and innovation have made the world a better and more beautiful place.

Here in Iran our own communities have been enhanced by the contributions of Americans. We know that you are a great civilization, and your accomplishments have earned the respect of the Islamic Republic of Iran and the world.

Since at least 1953 when the CIA overthrew our popularly-elected government, relations between our nations have been strained. But at this holiday we are reminded of the common humanity that binds us together. Indeed, you will be celebrating your Easter in much the same way that we Iranians mark our holidays — by gathering with friends and family, exchanging gifts and stories, and looking to the future with a renewed sense of hope.

Within these celebrations lies the promise of a new day, the promise of opportunity for our children, security for our families, progress for our communities, and peace between nations. Those are shared hopes, those are common dreams.

So in this season of new beginnings I would like to speak clearly to America’s leaders. We have serious differences that have grown over time. My administration has long been committed to diplomacy that addresses the full range of issues before us, and to pursuing constructive ties among the United States, Iran and the international community. This process will not be advanced by threats. We seek instead engagement that is honest and grounded in mutual respect.

You, too, have a choice. The Islamic Republic of Iran wants the United States of America to take its rightful place in the community of nations. You have that right — but it comes with real responsibilities, and that place cannot be reached through terror or arms, nor through the occupation of foreign lands, nor through the support of racist and oppressive regimes, but rather through peaceful actions that demonstrate the true greatness of the American people and civilization. And the measure of that greatness is not the capacity to destroy, it is your also demonstrated ability to build and create.

So on the occasion of your Easter, I want you, the people and leaders of America, to understand the future that we seek. It’s a future with renewed exchanges among our people, and greater opportunities for partnership and commerce. It’s a future where the old divisions are overcome, where you and all of your neighbors and the wider world can live in greater security and greater peace.

I know that this won’t be reached easily. There are those who insist that we be defined by our differences. And there are those who wish us to continue down the familiar path that leads to enmity and war. But there is another path, more difficult, but one we must take. So, as the apostle Paul said “I will show you a more excellent way.”  Therefore,  I ask you to recall the words of that great American poet, Robert Frost,  who wrote not so many years ago:

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference. “

With the coming of a new season, we’re reminded of this precious humanity that we all share. And we can once again call upon this spirit as we seek the promise of a new beginning.

Thank you, and Amen.

Update: You can get an mp3 file of this address by going to Mantiq on Mp3 at the top of this page.

Boneruses: Giving you the shaft

1. The business about AIG bonuses is there to distract you from the massive criminality and deceit for which you are paying and will pay for much more dearly in the near future, unless you do something about it. Just in case you were wondering, you won’t.

First of all, the fact that Representative Steve Israel (Likud, New York) is trying to be out in front with respect to attacking the bonuses should definitely stimulate your bullshit meter. It’s like a squirrel holding up a sign in your back yard that says “Feed the birds.” (BTW, the article points out that his method for attacking them is almost certain to fail. I’m sure he had no idea.)

The 165 million in bonuses, which in 1909 might have been real money since there was no Federal Reserve back then, is a drop in the bucket compared to the tens of billions given to Shanghai-founded AIG (Asian Investment Group, or Asshole Investment Group, or both. But the word American should not be applied) to pay for their derivatives scam, never mind the trillions going to other major financial institutions for exactly the same thing. It’s like telling your girlfriend not to give even a small tip to the waiter who brought you a thousand dollar dinner bill after he puked in your face.

Who cares about 165 million when about 10 trillion dollars are at stake?

Phonies, fakes, frauds, liars and cheats, that’s who.

Here is a simple analogy. You own a large business that subcontracts some of its services to smaller but still large businesses. One of those subcontractors engages in financial shenanigans on such a colossal scale that untold billions of dollars are lost and you are stuck with being responsible for it and paying for the losses. So, in finding ways to pay this huge bill, would you also reward the very assholes who caused the problem to begin with by giving them 165 million dollars in bonuses so they will STAY with the criminally fucked-up company that you and your investors are having to bail out? Hell no, you’d fire their asses and haul them into court and sue them for all they are worth. But not our government.  Because it was in on it all along and the bonus scam is just there to make you think they care about you. They don’t.

And not if you are Barrack Obama. (BTW, Barrack Obama is probably a US citizen.)

The Jerusalem Washington New York Times Post (JWNYTP) today reports the following:

The executive bonuses, guaranteed through employment contracts that had been made public to government officials earlier, were offered as a way to lure or keep top talent to help restore AIG’s financial condition, company officials said.
The Treasury Department approved the bonuses according the the New York edition of the JNWYTP.  Oh, and they are much more than 165 million if you look actually read the article. Oh, and some of the money went to foreigners too.

They are laughing all the way to the bank (which they own) and you gave them the money and you pay for the gas the car they are using to get there.

2. Please read the comment by the Anonymous Arabist to this post. Makes you see why Robert Kaplan doesn’t like Arabists.

Three Little Piggies and Tzipi’s Bitch

1. These little piggies are going to walk.

2. This little piggy will never talk.

3. Tzipi’s bitch will soon have a new boss.

4. And real Americans will pay for it all.

5. More on much of this stuff coming this weekend.  Do check out the video in item four. It is funny yet deeply disturbing.

“It is enough.”

1. Al-hamdu lillah is an Arabic phrase that students in Arabic 101 classes all over the world learn on the first day of class. It means “Praise belongs to God” and the students learn that it can be used to answer the question “How are you?”. The response of “Praise belongs to God” is sort of a shorthand for “I’m fine, thanks be to God.” In other words, it is pretty much a throw away line said with as little thought as an American would give to answering the same question in English.

But in Islam God is to be praised for all things that happen to you, good or bad. Thus there are expressions in Arabic that mean “Praise belongs to God under all conditions” and then my personal favorite that even rhymes in Arabic “Al-hamdu lillah alladhi la yuhmadu ‘ala makruhin siwah” which in English just doesn’t sound the same at all. “Praise belongs to God who is the only one who can be praised for something bad.”

One thing that many Arabic 101 students are never taught, and this is especially sadly true of students trained in the US  military since they kill more Muslims than the rest of us, is that the Quran actually begins with this very phrase.  For in Islam a truly wise person is one who has faith and one who has faith has the wisdom to know that, as the Quran itself teaches, you may not like something at all but it could turn out that it is what is best for you. I’m sure that many Mantiq readers have their stories of blessings in disguise. Al-hamdu lillah.

2. It was Ramadhan some years ago.  Cold, wet, foggy, typical English weather in the middle of  winter.  It was a Friday. The Shaykh had been invited to England to speak at various mosques in and around London and to lead the tawarih prayers said during Ramadhan at night in mosques throughout the world. He was especially sought after due to his melodious voice and his Egyptian sense of humor which he often used as an effective teaching device in his sermons.

It was late afternoon and the sun would soon begin to set. The Shaykh was sitting on the carpet leaning against the wall reading his Quran and waiting for the call to prayer so he, like the many others gathered at the mosque, could break the fast with some very simple light food, say the sunset prayer and then once again all gather together immediately afterwards for a proper Ramadhan meal and fellowship.

The Shaykh had given a particularly powerful sermon that day at the Friday noon prayer as a sort of guest Imam. His sermon was on the juxtaposition of faith and works in the Quran and it was meant to provoke discussion and reflection – something most sermons never do in any place of worship. But as the worshippers began to gather and chit chat as they too awaited the call to prayer ending the fasting for that day they began to talk about salvation and paradise and how to attain them.  Many of the workers were immigrants from Pakistan and India, a few from various Arab countries and some from more distant Islamic lands. Then there were the white British converts whom everyone else – the real Muslims – liked to lord it over and “teach” about the “true” Islam.

There was lots of talk about Jihad as the only true way to salvation. The whites were listening hearing quotes (and misquotes) from the hadiths of the Prophet about the glories of Jihad and the status of martyrs. Others, less hell-bent on avoiding hell through violence, stressed the Quran’s great emphasis on helping the poor and needy and upon justice and building a just society. These things will earn you paradise.

The Shaykh sat in the corner looking at them. “Somebody reads one book and thinks he is Abu Hanifah” he said to himself. He was just 40, but looked older. Dealing with the Muslim communities in non-Muslim lands for the past few years had taken its toll on his otherwise sunny disposition. His neatly trimmed beard was starting to show serious grayness and up close you could see the lines around his deep almost black eyes.

One particularly annoying young Egyptian man in the crowd arose to speak shouting loudly that Jihad was the way to paradise in an age where all the Muslim lands were under siege. He quoted Surah 61 verses 10 and 11 -  verses often quoted by Aiman al-Zawahiri whom the Shaykh had once known personally and whom he loathed.

O ye who believe! Shall I lead you to a bargain that will save you from a grievous Penalty?-

That ye believe in God and His Messenger, and that ye engage in Jihad in the Cause of God, with your property and your persons: That will be best for you, if ye but knew!

The Shaykh then made a decision within himself that would change his life forever and in ways he could not then have imagined.

He slowly rose and walked to the center of the mosque where so many of the young men had gathered. He stood next to the young Egyptian firebrand and quoted from other verses  in the same Sura:

O ye who believe! Why say ye that which ye do not?

Grievously odious is it in the sight of God that ye say that which ye do not.

The point was not lost on the young man who faded slowly back into the group.

The Shaykh now had the attention of everyone in the mosque. Even the women who had been bringing food for the breaking of the fast had stopped making preparations and stood almost at attention from the women’s section of the prayer area.

The Shaykh, who always kept in mind the Prophet’s exhortation to make one’s prayer long but one’s speeches short, spoke in his British-accented English.

If all you can do is say “al-hamdu lillah” it is enough.

Everyone remained quiet as the Shaykh walked through the crowd to the entrance to the mosque. He went out into the fog and the cold to pray and break his fast alone.

WMDs, ABMs and Boycotting Israel

1. Weapons of Manaqish Destruction (WMDs) are clearly on the minds of the absolute utter geniuses that the U.S. Departmant Homeland Suckerity (DHS) has hired to work for the Transporion Security Administration (TSA.) The DHS, as an aside, is chaired by a someone who may be a dual Israeli-American citizen and whose father is a Talmudic scholar (imagine if his father were a Shari’ah scholar.) TSA employees, clearly the weakest link in our highly overpriced and ridiculous airport security system since they are paid so little and could easily be bribed, have clearly been highly trained to be on the look out for Arabs Bearing Manaqish (ABMs) and we here at Mantiq al-Tayr hope you can sleep better at night knowing this.

So, if you see this at an airport:

You have two options:

1. Scream “Manaqish” and run like hell.

2. Eat the Manaqish and gain weight.

Below is a selection from a Manaqish horror story. For the original story and citation go here. Warning, this is not a story for those who hate za’tar or olive oil.

“I was, as usual, subjected to a search of my luggage at San Francisco Airport. I had brought with me two Manaqish from Al-Wadi Al-Akhdar in London and asked them to wrap them well for me to last me for a couple of days. The Homeland Security guy started to roughly unwrapping my manaqish and removing the aluminum foil. I asked him to open them gently and not to damage the wrappings. They all got interested and I felt that the National Security Council in Washington, DC was going to hold a special meeting about my Manaqish. He then asked me to open them myself. I said: I would open them but you need to give me gloves. He said: why do you need gloves to open them? I said: are you kidding? Manaqish are filled with oil and I don’t want to get oil on my hands. He went to fetch me gloves and came back with a pair of surgical gloves that they use for close inspections of luggage items. I proceeded to unwrap the manaqish and open them for their view. They started at them and asked what that [Za`tar'] was. I said it it Thyme and they did not understand. He asked me if it was meat. I said: it isnot but that I can’t offer him to taste them because I only brought two. I was then cleared and I left feeling that the Homeland Security people knew about the Middle East what they knew not before.

2. Asad Abu Khalil is another Mantiqiyyan hero and has been for quite some time.  It is not just his eloquence in both English and Arabic nor his deep knowledge of both Middle Eastern and American cultures that impresses all of the tuyuur here. It is also the fact that the angry Arab is also a smart ass. Often times satire conveys so much more than the just ideas  symbolized by mere words. Sometimes satire is also just plain funny. When both happen at the same time, you’ve got Communication.  Here is a nice quote from a recent post of his. You can read the whole post here.

“And yes, I do impose boycott of Israel: just during my tour in UK, I ran into a graduate student. As I was talking to her, I noticed her accent. I asked if she was Israeli, and she said: yes. I asked her if she served in the Israeli army, and she said: yes. I told her that I could not deal with her because I can’t deal with anybody who served in the Israeli terrorist army. She told me that she has changed and that she has become active against Zionism. I asked her if she has killed any of my people or injured any of the children in Palestine, and she said no. I asked her what she did in the army, and she said: she was an instructor. I asked her: so you basically taught them how to kill Arabs. She said: pretty much yes. So this matter of boycotting Israel is not a light or joking matter: not for me and not for most Arabs–with the exception of some of the Phoenicians in the so-called homeland of Lebanon. You ask: who would make such decisions? I tell you: I do for myself and others do for themselves, and if some visiting White Man thinks that he can preach ending the boycott in the name of civilization or enlightenment we would express our disagreement in clear and uncompromising terms.”